A Few Lessons on Parenting - Part 3

This part 3 of my series as I read through "The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read" (not an affiliate link).

The give and take between parent and child is important. Your baby should not feel ignored, and they should feel like they can influence you. You should be modeling to them how to be influenced by allowing them to influence you.
If a child feels that they cannot affect, then they may feel that they do not exist.
- Manipulating your child to have the least effect on you is dehumanizing.
Don't use your phone in front of your child; they notice that you are not paying attention to them.
You may feel that giving in to all of your child's overtures for attention means you are losing your sense of self. But one way to reframe this is to think of the attention you give to them as an opportunity for awe and love. Noticing what they notice, responding to what they respond to, can make you feel more connected to them.
- As your child gets older, you may notice that your relationship with them improves when you listen.
It is okay to not understand all of your baby's cues right away. In fact, it can take a while.
Babies and children are humans too. Tell them what is going to happen before it happens, and allow a pause. Fastening their seatbelt is an example of this. And narrate what is happening as it happens.
Everyday interactions count more than grand gestures.
You owe it to your child to get better at dialogue. Think about how you listen and observe when you are listening well. When you are listening well, you are noticing the other person's movements, tone, gestures, and expressions. You also concentrate on what is being said and may be aware of the feelings the speaker brings up in you. Avoid prematurely preparing your response or allowing your mind to wander off. When your mind wanders off, practice returning your attention to the speaker.
Have days where you love bomb your child. Within limits of safety and the law, allow your child to be in control of the day's activities. This is one-on-one time. Allow the child to choose the day's activities and what you eat. This will help reset the emotional thermostat between you and your child.
Do not become concerned if your child goes through a stage where they only want you (or your partner); this means they have formed a strong bond, and are capable of forming strong bonds. The key to fostering and independent spirit is to allow them to separate from you when they are ready to.
Being listened to has the power to soothe. It is a powerful experience.
The best way of investing in your child's sleep is to lie down with them or stay with them until they fall asleep. This is one of those areas where more investment earlier on means less investment later on. And children will naturally separate and need less of this kind of investment as they grow.
Having feelings accepted and soothed is the foundation for good mental health.

Great stuff as usual. I'll continue posting these as I read through the book.

-Kairos Anamnesis

Comments? Send me an email! kairosanamnesis@gmail.com